So, what happened since the recent “re-introduction” to myself?
After the most recent experience, I’ve meditated during the morning as a point of reminding myself the morning may be the best time to do it; a start to the day that eases the confusion one may think, feel, experience, act upon. Well, I meditated a number of times. Each time during the morning.
Curtains drawn? Yes. (Nice.)
Fairy lights on? Yes. (Excellent.)
Pillows arranged? Yes. (I’m looking forward to this.)
Comfortable? Very. (Here we* go.)
*we – used “automatically”. Maybe this is a figure of speech, however the fact that I use “we” when writing this from memory may suggest I’m still seeing myself as two people; opposites, or the anima and animus that are not one. Light and shadow.
Each meditation experience has been more difficult to achieve than the one described in my preceding post. I’m aware of not actively trying to reach any state or point through meditating.
One of the things I have to be cautious of is recalling the memory. Oliver Sacks has written about this and he offers more delightful, strange, and important findings of how accurate our memories may be. [http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2013/feb/21/speak-memory/?pagination=false]
What is my memory of meditating that seemingly pure experience? It’s written down and, maybe, forever found online. A permanent record of a transitory experience.
I must experience the experience!
“It’s a bit Spinal Tap upon reflection” said I.
“It sure is. Profound and funny. All the best things appear so.”
Was I trying to reach a previous point? I’ve made a common error.
An immense drain is put upon one’s intelligence when one tries to recreate a certain idealised state. This state can be achieved through various practices that may or may not reduce one’s bank balance and life expectancy. If one becomes aware of a possible fracture in the journey towards contentment then one may be advised to consider what contentment means.
Can you be content?
If I answer, “yes, however it depends on assuming contentment is an intangible aspiration that may, nevertheless, be achieved sporadically.”, then I may have helped with my next meditative experience. Although, if you think about it, this appears a contradiction.
The thing that appears apparent may be the total immersion in nothingness although this might be impossible as nothing cannot exist in the mind of knowing nothing. I doubt the integrity of that sentence, but it seems a nice mouthful of words to feed the brain.
What’s for dessert?
The sweet titbit of understanding how drugs work leads to the seemingly unsavoury knowledge that the majority of my experiences have been a long anaesthetic experience that has numbed any aesthetic experience I could achieve through acuity. Maybe my acumen needs sharpening.
What may be of importance is achieving a state of immersion that is neither real nor false. If the experience appears real it may be false and if it appears false it may be real. Either way the experience may or may not have happened, but something happened to lead to a blissful Schrödinger hypothesis during stasis.
Through art I do?
Through life I do?
In art I do?
In life I do?
On the toilet I do?
In marriage I do.
Through marriage I do?
With Emma through art and marriage I do?
I don’t think I have the knowledge to use “I”.
I think I may be incorrect.
Hmmm… it looks like being another fun day doing what I do. Soberly.
If I am sober than when I am not I go higher.
When I go higher I come back to a point when sober that may have been higher than before.
As long as the aim “is” good.