The Day I Killed my Wife

The Morning

Somehow you hauled yourself out of the bed we shared.

I stalled trying to help you overcome the dread.

Somehow you wanted to enjoy the day.

I stalled thinking I could show you the way.

 

The Afternoon

We walked through the park

Did I hold your hand?

As the sun shone and songs were sung,

Kids and mums,

Laughing, with dads with friends,

Everyone belonged.

 

You didn’t notice as I looked at your face,

And saw the pain;

I froze not offering you grace.

You drifted along,

And I tried to sing a song,

Feeling entirely out of place.

Why did I not hold your hand?

 

I offered a smile,

But felt so distraught,

As you walked a thousand miles

Through the quicksand

My quixotic refusal to offer you my hand.

You wanted to go

And I felt so low

Because still I didn’t hold your hand.

 

The Evening

Swaddled in clothes, numb;

Shattered gaze, stunned by his laziness;

A heartless response.

 

Broken down,

Struck by his refusal to share,

His abnormal gaze

Gives away his heartless response.

 

Slumped alone

Her heart broken, down to the bone, cut

His heartless response.

 

Sat alone,

Bile rising,

My heartless response.

 

Unable to move,

Upstairs she lies alone;

How am I a man, a man?

So heartless in my response.

 

Still sitting alone,

Paralyzed by his heartless response,

He picks up the phone

To plead to an end

To his heartless response.

 

**********************************************************************************

If you have addiction issues and an unhealthy negative view of yourself, for god sake go and get help and don’t do what I did and throw away something so precious. Talk openly and honestly about how afraid you feel. Do it now before it’s too late. Call the GP, talk to the Samaritans, Mind, anyone.

 

 

 

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